- NEW YORK (Reuters
Health) - Future Jezebels, take note: Those who attempt to steal another's
mate are more likely to succeed if they cozy up emotionally to their desired
object, flaunt easy sex or generous gifts, and target those who are close
to a breakup anyway.
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- That's according to a team of researchers exploring the
field of ``mate poaching''--the tactics involved in romancing a person
who is already ``taken.''
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- ``Poaching happens at such a high rate, there's no preventing
it,'' Dr. David P. Schmitt of Bradley University in Peoria, Illinois, told
Reuters Health. ``It can happen to anybody.''
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- In fact, more than half of men and women questioned said
they'd attempted poaching another person's mate at some point.
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- The researchers interviewed more than 1,000 college students
on a series of questionnaires asking them whether they had ever attempted
to steal another person away from a partner, been stolen from a mate, or
had a mate stolen from them.
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- The results are published in a recent issue of the Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology.
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- The researchers found that more than 50% of study participants
reported attempting to steal a romantic partner away from another person.
They also found that mate poachers tended to describe themselves as being
mean, unreliable and highly interested in sex.
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- On the flip side, about 80% of men and women reported
receiving romantic passes while they were already involved in an ongoing
relationship.
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- The people most likely to be poached were outgoing and
open to new experiences and described themselves as being loving and sexy.
But those most likely to actually follow through and leave their old partner
for a new one were more likely to describe themselves as mean, unreliable,
neurotic, unloving and highly interested in sex.
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- Successful tactics for pulling off a poach by both sexes
included using humor and making an emotional bond, Schmitt said.
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- ``Among the most effective things to do is to develop
an emotional connection,'' he said. ``Confide in them and become a good
friend.'' However, even simply waiting around until the couple broke up
seemed to be an effective strategy.
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- Less successful tactics included putting down the person's
current partner.
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- The researchers also looked at whether the status of
the relationship changed the odds of a poacher successfully causing a dissolution.
Poaches were more likely to be successful if the relationship was weaker,
such as being long distance or close to breaking up. People were less likely
to be poached if they were married or currently living with their partner.
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- The researchers also found that poaching is not without
costs, such as divorce, unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases
and social stigma. Another drawback involved in poaching another partner
was fear of being harmed by the encroached-upon and enraged mate. New partners
also had fears about whether the person stolen would ultimately be faithful
in their new partnership.
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- ``So why poach? Why take that risk?'' Schmitt asked.
``One possibility is the excitement of it. Some felt their self-esteem
would go up. Another is that with people getting married later, at a certain
age the most valued partners are already mated.''
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- ``People's situation in life and their general personality
traits,'' he said, ``are what predict attempts for making and receiving
mate poaching.''
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- However, the researchers found there was no personality
type most likely to have their partner poached from them.
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- ``Your best bet to lower the possibility of their being
enticed away,'' Schmitt noted, ``is to satisfy your partner's desires.''
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- SOURCE: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
2001;80:894-917.
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