- Teenagers seem to be punching, kicking, threatening to
kill and otherwise abusing their parents in increasing numbers, partly
because permissive mothers and fathers are not keeping a tight enough rein
on their children, says a new Health Canada study.
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- Terrified parents should stop treating their offspring
as friends and equals and begin to act as the loving authority figures
they are supposed to be, says the report by Barbara Cottrell, a Halifax-based
researcher.
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- She also says society has hidden and downplayed "parent
abuse," much as wife battering was treated two decades ago, and must
begin to shine a spotlight on the phenomenon.
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- "The abuse usually begins with verbal abuse. For
most parents, the abuse is a daily occurrence that follows a pattern, usually
with the child showing no signs of remorse or guilt," said the study.
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- "We have to break the silence that surrounds it.
Because parent abuse is still not recognized, it is often considered acceptable
behaviour."
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- The report, submitted to Health Canada earlier this year,
is a follow-up on Ms. Cottrell's first examination in 1996, which was based
on interviews with more than 100 parents, teenagers and child- welfare
experts in Nova Scotia.
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- To prepare the updated report, which had been requested
by the Health Canada, she interviewed another group of parents and social
workers.
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- Many professionals believe parent abuse is increasing,
the new study says. But police and shelters keep no statistics on the phenomenon
and, outside of the study, there has been little research on the problem,
Ms. Cottrell wrote.
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- Dr. Michael Seto, a psychiatrist at the Toronto-based
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health whose specialities include young
offenders, said he did not know much about the subject and could not name
an expert who would.
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- "It's not studied widely," said Dr. Seto.
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- The report said both boys and girls can be abusive toward
their parents, but mothers are more likely to be the victims, perhaps because
they are seen as more vulnerable.
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- The physical abuse can include hitting, slapping, kicking,
shoving, breaking things, punching holes in walls, throwing objects or
spitting. They can also engage in psychological and emotional "terrorism,"
which includes threatening to injure, maim or kill their parents, yelling
and swearing, and playing mind games.
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- The report also cited financial abuse, such as outright
theft from parents, selling family possessions and demanding their guardians
buy items they clearly cannot afford.
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- Children sometimes lash out at their parents because
they have never faced clear rules and guidelines for their behaviour, the
study says. The lack of control can leave the teenager fearful, prompting
them to misbehave, wrote Ms. Cottrell.
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- Parents of the baby-boom generation often feel they should
treat their children as friends, not as dependents who need their authority
and guidance, the study said.
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- The report recommends that parents set clear limits for
their children and enforce them resolutely. When abuse happens, they should
consider calling police, which has proven to be an effective deterrent,
said Ms. Cottrell.
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