- Actual Excerpts From Student Science Exam Papers:
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- 1. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because
it made man think.
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- 2. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and
Caterpillars.
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- 3. The process of turning steam back into water again
is called conversation.
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- 4. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a
dead cat.
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- 5. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
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- 6. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a
flame in a test tube.
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- 7. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or
both of them.
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- 8. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know
what you're talking about.
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- 9. Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
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- 10. A circle is a line, which meets its other end without
ending.
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- 11. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against
insects.
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- 12. The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it
is even deader.
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- 13. English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain
and soil his corpse.
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- 14. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more
than it can hold.
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- 15. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
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- 16. The hookworm larvae enters the human body through
the soul.
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- 17. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood
you get a glacier.
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- 18. It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms
the mind.
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- 19. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle
it gently back and forth.
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- 20. For dog bite: put the dog away for several days.
If he has not recovered, hen kill it.
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- 21. For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
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- 22. For drowning: climb on top of the person and move
up and down to make artificial perspiration.
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- 23. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over
the nose.
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- 24. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose
until it drops in your throat.
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- 25. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until
the patient is dead.
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- 26. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the
blood is affirmative or negative.
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- 27. Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe
magnets have east and west poles.
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- 28. When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what
Christ did long ago in wintertime.
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- 29. When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon
monoxide.
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