- Hi Jeff,
-
- Our son was just misdiagnosed with ADHD-I (Impulsivity)
and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder). He is only 4 yrs old. After being
tossed out of two daycare centers due to misconduct and aggressive behavior,
we hired a leading psychologist to visit his daycare for a real diagnosis.
After only 45 minutes of observation at the daycare, (not talking to our
son at all) and having my husband and I fill out a questionnaire of about
10 questions regarding his attitude, he came up with the 'ADHD-I' and 'ODD'
acronyms for my child. He also had the two teachers in the daycare fill
out the same questionnaire - and they knew him only for 3 months. Fortunately,
they don't put 4 yr olds on Ritalin. They wait until they are 6. I am such
an advocate AGAINST Ritalin, since it was an untested drug, that I am
prepared to home school my son if it comes to that.
-
- Did you ever wonder how they diagnose these kids? Well,
there is no blood test, no brain scan, but, oh yes - a written true/false
test you get to fill out to decide the fate of your child's future and
drug therapy. And you trust the test writer and the giver to put your child
in good therapy, whether it is office visits or drugs. Yes - if you, the
parent, decides they have, for example, 6 out of 10 symptoms listed, then
by golly gee they have ADHD so let's make all the drug companies rich and
prescribe a drug. The drugs are only a Band-Aid to this 'disorder' - it
does not address the cause of the disorder. A disorder is NOT a disease
- it is a disorder, or a behaviour observance. Did anyone every realize
just what it is caused by????? Please read on - I just may have a clue.
-
- We adopted our son at birth from a cocaine addicted birth
mother. Randomly testing positive for cocaine throughout her pregnancy,
and I'm sure she drank and smoked as well, he was born premature. At birth,
I was in the delivery room and saw that she did not want to look at him
after giving birth, so there was no bonding for him at all. My husband
and I were able to see him 3 hours after his birth, and then saw him again
when he was 3 days old (after being cared for by round the clock nurses-
multiple caregivers) due to state adoption laws. My mother-in-law and I
then spent the next 2 weeks in a motel (hotels don't have laundry facilities)
waiting for the adoption papers to go through before we could take him
out of that state into our own state. At 3 weeks old, my mother- in-law
took care of him full time while I went back to work to replace the $30,000
in adoption costs. At 9 months old he started a full time daycare nursery
where he climbed out of the cribs numerous times (trauma). At 1 yr. old
he fell from a changing table at the daycare and had a large orange size
lump on his head (trauma). They insisted he fell from a saucer walker and
due to that lie we pulled him out and put him into another daycare. He
was very aggressive and tough at this new daycare center, and they had
a hard time with him. We were asked to remove him, so we put him back into
the original daycare center which was now under new ownership.
-
- His aggressiveness, impulsiveness and insecurity became
worse. They had isolated him at lunchtime from his class, and even at nap
time had him go into another room. These daycare teachers are so unqualified
to teach special needs kids, that they have no idea how to treat their
behavior. They use expressions such as 'you are very bad boy', etc., and
over time they feel they are so bad and unworthy to live. My child bangs
his head into the couch, or wall, or whatever, when I tell him how special
he is - he just can't take the fact that he is special, since it is so
etched in his mind that he is a bad person - again due to daycare center
lack of special needs training.
-
- So, I decided to do some research on my own. I'm an older
mom, and we never had this 'ADHD' thing when I was in school back in the
early 60's. Mom's also didn't work as much in the work force then, and
were home with us. I always heard about the bonding necessity during the
first two years of life being very critical, but for some reason I thought
that it was fine for my baby to be with my mother-in-law (family). Now
I know it is not a family member BUT MOM HERSELF that is critical for bonding
in the first 2 yrs.
-
- In my internet research travels I discovered a new acronym
for my son, which fits him perfectly. It is RAD - Reactive Attachment Disorder.
It basically means the mother/child bonding is broken, either it was never
there, or perhaps was there, but is now broke due to many factors, such
as drugs/alcohol in utero, multiple care givers, trauma. RAD kids are
not affectionate. They pull away when you try to hold them. These kids
harm animals, they do not kiss family members (parents, grand parents),
they can set fires, can kill if not treated...and here is why...
-
- RAD kids learned early on that when they had a need,
no adult was there to protect them. In fact, RAD kids feel if they trust
adults, they will die. RAD kids are likened to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
kids. These children have a love/hate relationship with mom. Mom wasn't
there when I fell from the changing table, when I crawled out of the crib
and hurt myself a bit, when I had an earache at 2 months old and mom didn't
help me (well, how could we know - you didn't talk at 2 months old! ) Mom
left me alone while she was in the hospital for a week, or I had to be
away from Mom while I was in the hospital, etc...
-
- RAD is very real, and unfortunately ABOUT 80% OF THE
PSYCHOLOGISTS DO NOT RECOGNIZE IT! Symptoms of RAD mimic ADHD and ODD,
such as aggressiveness, impulsiveness, hyperactivity (yes, they are struggling
to push the adults away from them, so they feel safe), hypo activity (listlessness).
These RAD kids feel like they are in a cage with a lion (adult) and when
that lion gets closer they will kick, punch, spit, push your buttons, do
anything to make you not get close to them. Whey you take a picture of
a RAD child, they will just show you their teeth, instead of showing a
real smile because they have no heart - they do not know how to smile a
real smile. They have no conscience. Their adrenaline is running overtime,
and all we parents look at is 'how ungrateful they are'. People tell us
'just love them more they will come around'. It is not so. These are very
sick children who need you to cut to the chase, not put a Band-Aid on them
like a calming drug. I am not saying all ADHD kids are RAD, but I feel
a majority of them have been misdiagnosed like our son was.
-
- So, if you have a child who has been diagnosed with ADHD,
and you feel the diagnose is not correct, please search the internet for
'Reactive Attachment Disorder', or 'Attachment Therapy'. Pick up a book
called 'Holding Time' by Martha Welch. I am not affiliated with her at
all, but I have quit my job, pulled my 4 yr. old out of daycare, and am
holding him many times a day in my arms as Martha Welch, MD directs and
after just two weeks, he has calmed down unbelievably. We have a long way
to go, but thank God for the RAD mom coaches on the internet who freely
give of their time to assist, since they also have kids who were mis-diagnosed.
-
- We are seeking a holding therapist in upper NJ or in
PA. Like I said, there are NOT MANY RAD therapists around. Information
about trampoline and horseback riding therapy, playing with Legos to Mozart
music, taking supermulti vitamins by http://www.vitalearth.org (I'm not
affiliated with them), stress and brain nutrition (hyper kids may have
too much copper, not enough essential fatty acids, etc.) is all on the
internet. Another site I found of interest (also not affiliated with them)
is http://www.vaxa.com VAXA makes a vitamin product called ATTEND for ADHD
kids, but it is in pill form, and my 4 yr. old just can't take it but I
hear it is very good. Another product called 'beecalmed' is also out there
for hyper kids. VAXA also makes a product called biotrack analysis that
can help in determining mineral deficiencies, etc., in your child so you
know what supplements they need.
-
- http://www.vaxa.com/800.cfm I recommend it for the entire
family. There are other alternatives on the internet - if you have a hyper
child pls research them.
-
- So, before a psychologist has you fill out a questionnaire
about your child and tell you, 'gee, he has 6 out of 8 symptoms' so he
just must be ADHD and he says 'here take this drug... ' just pick your
child up in your arms and hold them across your lap - I don't care how
old they are - and if their eyes do not sparkle and meet with yours, their
smile does not melt into yours, and their body does not mold to your body
then spend more time holding, loving, kissing and bonding with your child.
Visit the many Attachment Disorder web sites out there and find an attachment
therapist in your area. Conventional therapists just don't work with these
RAD kids as it has been proven over and over. Believe me I know. I'm off
to cancel a $175 for a mere 45 minute appointment that has done nothing
for us as a family. RAD kids cause so much stress in the home, we were
advised to calm our own husband/wife stressors before we dealt with a therapist
for our son. I can take the $175 and buy a ton load of Attachment Disorder
books and audio tapes on the internet and learn more about my child's
disorder than any drug kickback psychologist can provide.
-
- I am not saying that all ADHD or ADD kids are misdiagnosed.
I am just suggesting that if you have a child that has not grown out of
the terrible twos, trying threes and now they are 4 with attitudes, pls
consider RAD websites. You may get the answers you need before it is too
late. Here are just a few of the RAD sites worth reading:
- http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/
- http://www.syix.com/adsg/
- http://www.attachmentcenter.org
- http://members.tripod.com/~radclass/
- http://attachmenttherapy.com/ad.html
- http://www.hannahandhermama.com/rad/
- http://www.hannahandhermama.com/rad/
- http://www.attachmentdisorder.net/Support_Groups.htm
- http://www.abcofpa.net/http://www.abcofpa.net/
- http://www.attachmentdisorderhelp.homestead.com
-
- Regards,
A RADical mom in NJ
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