- To Frank Koza
- NSA Chief of Staff (Regional Targets)
-
- Dear Frank:
-
- I write in commiseration about what happened with that
sweet little surge you mounted to surveil the devil out of those recalcitrant
and unpatriotic U.N. members. Of course it's a tough break that everybody
and his dog knows all about it now. Ok- not ALL about it- we know better
than that. Still, you know how it is: mount a surge and who knows what
will happen next? I mean, it's not really your fault NSA got caught with
its electronic pants down, and I want you to know I understand that. So
many telephones, emails, faxes and letters- so little time! It could happen
to anybody. The main thing is to have a good sense of humor about this
kind of thing, don't you think?
-
- Now about that letter I wrote to Security Council members
excoriating the present U.S. administration, and accusing it of vile practices
and wicked motives. You've got it there somewhere, according to that other
memo- you might want to check the "Domestic comms" file. Anyway,
I wanted to take this golden opportunity to mention that every word of
that letter was heartfelt, and expressed with full confidence in my Constitutional
right to exercise freedom of speech. Just so you know I'm trying hard not
to waste NSA's valuable time or anything. And Frank, while we are on the
topic, if you don't mind sharing a little more secret info here, just between
us, of course: I need to know exactly how much of my taxes are being spent
on spying on me. Because if it's all the same to you, why don't I just
forward you a copy of everything I write and say, and save both of us all
that money wasted on unnecessary- and obviously insecure!- advanced technology?
Meanwhile, if you don't mind, please forward a memo to me about my current
costs, as I need it for my records. Thanks in advance.
-
- I know it's hard to keep up with all the anti-administration
traffic these days, what with the whole damn world breathing down your
neck, electronically speaking- and vice versa, naturally. But whatever-
we are all certainly keeping as close an eye on one other as possible,
aren't we? Personally, Frank, I'm delighted to meet you, and without this
astonishingly timely leak your specific existence would never have crossed
my mind. Is that really fair? I mean, there you are, Chief of Staff of
Regional Targets in NSA, privy to all the most vital communications that
money can buy and satellites can steal. And here am I, possessing only
a measly personal computer with which to discover what my fellow human
beings really think, and to try to make my own views known.
-
- Well, nobody ever said this democracy thing had anything
to do with serious information sharing anyway, did they? It's not like
I am complaining or anything. And I'm sure you fully understand how thoroughly
enjoyable it is for ordinary citizens to catch a wee glimpse of you in
action. No hard feelings, I trust. After all, this business of using illegal
secret information in ways that contravene the Constitution and Bill of
Rights of the United States of America and God-knows-what-else is bound
to cause a little trouble. One could even say: what's the point of working
in the National Security Agency at all, if you actually work against the
basic tenets of your own government's legal framework? To be perfectly
frank, Frank, for the National Security Agency constantly to undermine
the security of the laws of the land is a perfectly awful idea. You might
want to give that some real thought. Let me know if I can help you rethink
all this difficult Constitutional business- I'm at your service, or might
as well be, what with one thing and another, as you know.
-
- I was going to send this to your office email, but I
see you already had to bail out of that one. So I'll just post it on the
net then, since it's all the same to you.
-
-
-
- Cheers,
-
- Diane
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