- NEW YORK -- Federal
investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading
charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year
2256!
- Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm
that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his
uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on
January 28.
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- "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either
a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.
- "But the fact is, with an initial investment of
only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million.
Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which
simply can't be pure luck.
-
- "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal
inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until
he agrees to give up his sources."
-
- The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most
investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk
trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall
Street watchdogs.
-
- "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological
breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew
about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush,
ongoing investigation.
-
- When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning,
they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.
-
- Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from
over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era
experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed
with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof
could make a fortune.
-
- "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin
allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make
it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look
too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."
-
- In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered
to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama
Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.
-
- All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future
in his "time craft."
-
- However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine
or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall
into the wrong hands."
-
- Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's"
claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any
record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."
- Weekly World News will continue to follow this story
as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.
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