- We've all heard about the Princess who kissed a frog
to find her Prince, well, I tried it and all I received were warts! (Please,
do not send Compound-W, it's just a metaphor.)
-
- Over the past couple of days I concluded the column I
write for a weekly northern paper might be welcomed, might even appeal
to those assailed by the din of everyday cynicism. I decided to test this
perception by sending out thirty or so queries to major Canada newspapers.
-
- Did I mention the road to hell is paved with the best
of intentions?
-
- As one editor put it, "Good news does not *@%#ing
sell!" As Rip rense, a writer and acquaintance once wrote (paraphrased),
"I rejected my first impulse, which was to write him back suggesting
he should experience extreme coital intimacy with himself." Instead,
I wrote him recommending he share his myopic revelation with Jack Canfield
and Mark Victor Hansen, two men who continue to make the New York Times
best-selling list with their wildly successful series of Chicken Soup books.
Eighty-million copies and counting - no reply.
-
- Good manners are never out of place.
-
- While as part of the human condition we have all made
an etiquette faux pas or three, good manners are never out of place. There
were those who simply never took the time to say, "Thanks, but no
thanks." Now, I'm not so self-centered nor do I possess a lack of
consideration so profound as to think they had nothing better to do with
their time than write back to moi, no, I understand it takes time to collect
and disseminate bad news, but all their time? Apparently so.
-
- My journey soon became littered with newspaper corpses.
-
- My trip across Canada, via defunct inter-net links to
papers that once were, exposed one startling fact - many have died. In
the wake of Conrad Black's, um . . . , Lord Black's veracious appetite
for newspapers, my journey soon became littered with newspaper corpses.
It seems Lord Black's management style (as he put it) was to, "Cut
the fat." I discovered he also cut a goodly portion of the meat leaving
an unprecedented trail of unemployment in his wake.
-
- While writing this, I am still hoping other queries may
still generate some interest. Strangely, I've just now received one query
answer: "Dear Lea, Thank you but we are not able to take this on right
now. Sincerely, Sherri Aikenhead." Ah, good old Sherri, no wonder
she has an achin' head, she's the managing editor for an east coast affiliate
of Transcontinental Media Inc. At least Transcontinental has not stripped
away her good east coast manners. Good for you Sherri!
-
- Perhaps the 4 column sample pieces were not strong enough?
They included, "What place is this." The piece came about after
a woman asked me where she could find Pleasantville. It explores esoteric
musings which suggest Pleasantville can either be a state of mind or a
geographical location, but either way it will only be what you make it.
Then there was the timely Christmas piece, "Is there a Santa Claus?"
Apparently, the entertaining scientific proof I provided notwithstanding,
Santa has died since last he visited. Finally, predictions for "The
year to be" failed to warm a single heart, and "Random and selfless
acts of kindness," well . . . received none.
-
- Perhaps no truer words were ever spoken, "There's
no place like home."
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