- A girl stands on the corner in shorts too short and a
halter top too tight.
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- When boys ride by in a car, she sticks out her rear and
makes a catcall.
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- It's a sad commentary on the wayward paths that have
been set before our youth, but in telling the story, psychologist Mary
Pipher said the scenario illustrates a greater problem: the shrinking universe
of adults who pitch in to nurture kids.
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- Pipher saw the incident but couldn't correct the girl
because she was a "stranger."
-
- In a morning coffee lecture at the A La Carte Pavilion
Friday, Pipher offered the audience plenty of food for thought on how to
"navigate today's toxic culture."
-
- For me, parenting tips are irresistible, not because
I lack confidence as a father of three, but because I know that moms and
dads who claim to have all the answers should become stand-up comedians.
-
- The solutions offered by Pipher - who was brought to
town by the Ophelia Project of Tampa Bay - were rooted in the concept of
parents connecting with their kids while communities come together for
all children.
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- "Modern families aren't suffering so much from some
kind of internal pathology, but from the very harsh climate in which they're
expected to function," Pipher said.
-
- In her conversation, the noted author and psychologist
drew parallels between the small-town farm life of her grandfather and
the troubled life of a client family in today's society. The comparison
was the cornerstone of her book, The Shelter Of Each Other.
-
- Pipher's grandfather was a rancher with five children
in Kit Carson, Colo. The kids' entertainment came from other people in
the small town. Their chief information sources were the church and the
school. Life was difficult, but people knew the enemy: blizzards, locusts
and low cattle prices.
-
- Conversely, her modern family was led by a husband burdened
by work stress and a mother overwhelmed with juggling work and home life.
The couple had a high school daughter who was anorexic, a junior high school
daughter who was likely experimenting with alcohol and smoking, and a cello-playing
son afraid to go to elementary school because the kids teased him.
-
- The family didn't know who the enemy was, so they were
more inclined to blame themselves for problems. The real culprits? The
increasingly disconnected community, the pitfalls of technology and the
lessons of sex, violence, rudeness and consumerism being taught by television.
-
- Pipher said moms and dads need to realize parenting is
a different process now than it was when they were young. In the 1950s,
the main job of parents was to introduce children to culture. Now the main
job is to protect children from culture.
-
- So what are Pipher's solutions?
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- Gather the family for meals, without interruption of
television or phone calls.
-
- Sort through the avalanche of information and help children
make sense of it.
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- Connect your kids to books where children are resourceful.
-
- Create occasional media blackout days with no TVs, computers
or video games.
-
- Share values while riding in the car with a captive audience.
-
- Get children around their grandparents, who can help
guide moral development.
-
- Remember that time outdoors, vacations and family meals
are the three things that stick with kids the longest.
-
- So what will I remember most about Pipher's talk? The
murmurs. Every time she resonated with the listeners, you would hear a
murmur of, "Mmmm-mmmm." And the murmur was heard often during
the coffee and her subsequent luncheon lecture about our appearance-obsessed
society.
-
- I can't wait to see my kids' reaction when I announce
media blackout day.
-
- That's all I'm saying.
-
- - Ernest Hooper can be reached at 813 226-3406 or Hooper@sptimes.com
-
- © Copyright 2002-2004 St. Petersburg Times. All
rights reserved.
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- http://www.sptimes.com/2004/03/07/Columns/Children_facing_cultu.shtml
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