- [Warning! This is satire! Although factually untrue,
it tells the truth! Read at your own risk.]
-
-
- Senor Shows Human Side, Is Whisked Away by
Security Contractors
- |By RON JACOBS
- (Baghdad Green Zone, May 20, 2004)
-
- In a surprising turnaround, Coalition spokesman Dan "the
man" Senor admitted to media gathered inside the Green Zone Thursday
that American helicopters had knowingly attacked a wedding party 15 miles
from the Syrian border and southwest of the town of Qusaiba. Earlier, the
Coalition had denied the charges, claiming that the attack was against
"enemy fighters."
-
- "There were no enemy fighters in the area,"
said Senor. "Our soldiers knew that the only people in the village
were Iraqi civilians. They went ahead and attacked anyhow. It's a form
of terror we use often."
-
- This acknowledgement by Senor confirmed what local Iraqis
had been telling Arab and European media since they were notified of the
attack. Television outlets broadcast film taken at the scene, showing a
truck heaped with bloody bodies, many of them wrapped in blankets. Several
of the bodies shown were those of children. Until Senor's statement, US
officials were insisting that the dead were all "foreign fighters."
To prove their point, these officials produced weapons and passports they
claimed they recovered from the scene.
-
- "We bombed a safe house," said General Abizaid
"There were nothing but foreign fighters in the area. They deserved
what they got." He went on to describe the village as one known to
be friendly to the resistance against the US occupation.
-
- This version of events was challenged by doctors and
nurses at nearby Ramadi hospital, who told media that forty-five people
had been killed, including ten women and fifteen children. Doctors said
most of the children were between 2 and 5 years old. Independent media
reporters were able to obtain photocopies of the passports the Coalition
claims they found in the rubble of the houses destroyed in the attack.
None of the descriptions or photos matched any of the dead or wounded.
When confronted with this, Senor admitted that there were no foreign fighters
in the village.
-
- "There were no foreign fighters in the village,"
said Senor. "In fact, there are no foreign fighters in Iraq except
for those fighting with the Coalition. Just like the WMD, the whole foreign
fighters helping out the insurgency thing is a lie."
-
- This admission was followed by a quarter-hour of rapid-fire
questioning by the assembled media. Most of these questions centered on
the acknowledgement by Senor that the administration invaded Iraq knowing
that Iraq possessed no WMD. Senor fielded the questions, occasionally wiping
away a tear.
-
- "You know," he said. "I was willing to
go along with this whole invasion and occupation because I truly believed
that Saddam Hussein was a bad guy who really was a threat to the United
States. I told my bosses that I would tell you guys in the media anything
that they wanted me to tell them. WMD, Al-Queda, anthrax, no prison abuse
or only isolated prisoner abuse, whatever. But when I saw those dead kids
killed for no reason in their sleepI don't know, something just cracked
inside of me. I couldn't justify it. I mean, there's no way those kids
were foreign fighters and, if they were, then we really shouldn't be here
if babies are picking up weapons to fight us."
-
- Reporters wrote Senor's remarks down, incredulous at
what they were hearing. Never in the collective memory of all the media
gathered had any government spokesman been so candid. Senor continued,
switching to the topic of Israel.
-
- "As for Israel," he began. "They have
no intention of stopping their assault on the Palestinians. They want to
dominate the Middle East with the United States. It's all part of a big
plan to" At this point, two unidentified security contractors dressed
entirely in black jumpsuits similar to those worn by SWAT teams in the
US grabbed Senor. He was led away at gunpoint. Chaos ensued among the press
corps as they raced to file the story. While attempting to send their reports
via the internet, all connections were mysteriously shut down. This reporter
was able to relay his report via a separate wireless connection maintained
by independent supporters.
-
- Senor's current whereabouts are unknown, although unnamed
sources at Abu Gharaib prison in Baghdad have told this reporter and other
media that he is being held there and will be shipped to Camp X-Ray at
Gauntanamo Bay soon.
-
- The White House and Pentagon have denied Senor's statements
in separate press releases. The White House went further, suggesting that
Senor had either lost his mind or forgotten who was signing his paychecks.
-
- [Warning! This is satire! Although factually untrue,
it tells the truth! Read at your own risk.]
-
- Ron Jacobs is author of The Way the Wind Blew: a history
of the Weather Underground, which is being republished by Verso.
-
- He can be reached at: rjacobs@zoo.uvm.edu
-
-
- Comment
- From: On file
- Sent: Friday, May 28, 2004
- Subject: Check out Senor Shows Human Side: A SATIRE or
a HOAX........
-
- That's what they're saying on the Liberty Forum........boy
that makes me mad! We have a hard enough time finding good reliable information
anymore without someone pulling one of these with nary a hint or a warning.
It would be nice to find a human being inside of all the nastiness in
the Bush camp for a change. We could only hope, alas, in vain.......
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