- "We are all failures -- at least, all the best of
us are."
- --Sir James M. Barrie, British Playwright
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- For roughly half a century, men have been programmed
to anticipate a tumultuous period of introspection at the half-point of
their lives, called a "mid-life crisis." Coined by Canadian-born
psychologist Elliot Jaques in the 1950s, the term describes a middle aged
man's self-doubt and anxiety over his life's accomplishments, and the relative
imminence of his approaching death. When a man is young, he believes that
time is a disease to which he is immune. But as the first speckles of gray
enter his hair, he can't help but wonder: Of what value is my life?
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- The questions one asks in a mid-life crisis tend to relate
to worldly achievements, ultimately boiling down to the most important
question of all: Am I a success...or a failure? And "success,"
in the minds of most people, is defined as power, recognition, and material
acquisition.
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- Increasingly, human beings, male and female alike, are
not waiting until middle age for this kind of painful life assessment.
I have personally met many people in their 20s and 30s who believe it is
"too late" for them, and their lives have already been wasted.
I believe this is because they have been trained by the popular culture
to base their self-worth on external appearances. They have been raised
by MTV and Hollywood with a sense of expectation and entitlement for fame,
fortune, and physical pleasures. The attitude of many young Westerners
is: If I am wealthy, attractive, and well known, my life is meaningful.
If I am poor, unattractive, and anonymous, my life is meaningless.
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- The devastating consequences of this mindset have been
witnessed in the last century, taking form in countless psychoses and pathologies
largely endemic to Western society. As I have pointed out in previous essays,
the United States has produced far more serial killers (76%) than any other
nation in the world. We are also the world's leader in production of eating
disorders, and have one of the highest incidences of suicide. It cannot
be a coincidence that most Americans are burdened by a terrible, egotistic
need to be better than everyone else.
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- It would seem that many of us are in great need for a
re-assessment of our priorities. Are you afraid that you are wasting your
life? Do you feel a burning desire to DO something that will separate you
from the "herd," and win you "happiness?" Do you look
yourself in the mirror and see a failure staring back at you?
-
- If you answered "yes" to any of these questions,
I ask, "Why?" Are you a failure because your wallet is empty
and no one knows your name? I submit that this way of thinking is a form
of insanity, and unless or until you recognize this, true happiness will
be impossible.
-
- If one wishes to know whether fame, fortune, and ego-aggrandizement
are the paths to "happiness," one need only examine the people
who have these things in abundance. Professional athletes, Hollywood actors,
rock stars...when one gazes at their countenances - plastered on magazine
covers and forever ingrained in our psyches - one might believe that they
seem quite happy. Big, sparkly grins reveal perfect white teeth, iridescent
eyes, and mirthful demeanors. But upon closer inspection, those bright,
shining eyes reveal a dazedness that could best be described as STUPOR.
If money and fame can make ANYONE happy, why are you so many of these folks
plainly miserable?
-
- Rock stars become addicted to drugs and alcohol, and
die at the age of 30. Professional athletes behave like spoiled infants
and have no appreciation for their lives of privilege. Imagine the terror
these people must feel when they look at their lives and wonder, "Is
THIS what I aspired to? Is this who I am?"
-
- If you think yourself a failure on the basis of external
appearances and worldly achievements, you are not seeing the truth of who
you are. God did not put you on this planet to achieve worldly "success"
and live out your years in comfort and pleasure. Your life here serves
one purpose, and one purpose only: to confront that which keeps you in
bondage to suffering.
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- If you are a human being, you suffer. We all live under
the same veil of guilt and trauma and loneliness, resulting from the belief
that we are separate and incomplete. Countless people consider themselves
"happy" because their external situations seem favorable, but
in reality, their suffering is simply muted by the sheer volume of fleeting
"pleasures." No one can avoid suffering forever, because everything
we value in this world is destined to die - EVERYTHING. If your "happiness"
is dependent on anything outside of yourself (i.e. something impermanent)
you are condemning yourself to a world of hurt.
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- The only way out of suffering is through a conscientious
meeting with its taproot: one's false perceptions of himself, and the world.
Everyone who undertakes this journey will eventually realize that the person
he thought he was has never existed. This revelation feels like dying,
but it can also feel like freedom. The real lesson in this is that you
are and have always been as God created you - perfect, innocent, and incorruptible.
The ego experiences this as loss, because it cannot survive unless its
owner remains in a perpetual state of SEEKING. But it should be a happy
lesson to learn that you are already complete, and in need of nothing external.
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- None of us is bound or limited by the world's definitions
of "success" and "failure." A human life can only be
truly wasted through endless denial and avoidance. If you "have nothing"
(i.e. no money, no stature, no material items) you are almost certainly
closer to real happiness than the ones who "have everything."
Ultimately, the most heroic mission anyone can accomplish is the simple
remembrance of his own Divine nature.
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