- I often hear people proudly boast, "I don't believe
in conspiracy theories", as if they are boasting that they don't have
an alcohol problem. There is a widespread attitude that conspiracy theories
are a symptom of a paranoid mind. My brother's wife made the wisecrack
to me, "Seen any black helicopters lately?"
- One reason people dislike conspiracy theories is because
they cause fights between the conspiracy theorists and the accused. The
people accused of the conspiracy always insist that they are innocent.
The fights can become unpleasant and confusing, and that causes a lot of
people to avoid getting involved.
- Was there a Conspiracy to sell Tobacco?
- For example, did executives of tobacco companies conspire
to hide information about the dangers of tobacco? Some people say yes,
in which case we could describe it as a conspiracy to deceive the American
people about the dangers of tobacco. However, the tobacco executives insist
they are innocent.
- Was there a Conspiracy to Destroy Trains?
- For a more complex example, in the 1930's, executives
from General Motors, Firestone, and Standard Oil formed a company called
the National City Lines which used buses from General Motors, tires from
Firestone, and fuel from the Standard Oil company. Some people accuse National
City Lines and several other corporations of being part of a conspiracy
to destroy the electric trains that were developing in America at that
- In 1949 our government convicted several of those corporations
of violating antitrust laws. However, there is still a dispute over whether
they merely violated a few laws, or whether they were part of a conspiracy
to destroy the electric trains.
- It should be obvious that America's train system is among
the worst in the world. The latest trains of Europe and Japan look like
something from a science-fiction movie. Some European trains are reaching
speeds of 185 miles per hour, and China is experimenting with a train that
can go even faster.
- Why are American trains so crummy? Is it because of a
conspiracy to destroy trains? Or is it because the American people just
don't care about trains?
- We may never know exactly why our train system is pathetic
because the people accused of conspiring to destroy it are certain to insist
that there was no conspiracy, even if there was. Every conspiracy theory
results in a confusing fight between the people making the accusations
and the people insisting that they are innocent.
- I think another reason people avoid conspiracy theories
is because when they convince themselves that there is no such thing as
conspiracies, they don't have to worry about them. When a person refuses
to believe in conspiracies, he can ignore the evidence on the grounds that
it is paranoid nonsense. He doesn't have to bother reading books or watching
videos, nor does he have to think about or discuss how to make a better
nation. Refusing to consider conspiracies is taking the easy and irresponsible
path in life.
- Everybody Believes In Conspiracy Theories
- Even though most people ridicule conspiracy theories,
almost everybody believes in at least one conspiracy. However, if the majority
of people believe in a conspiracy, it is considered a "fact"
or a "sensible government policy" rather than a conspiracy.
- For example, millions of Americans believe South Americans
and Mexicans are making us use drugs. I would refer to this as the "Drug
Dealer Conspiracy" because it claims a group of people are conspiring
to make us use drugs.
- There are so many Americans who believe in the Drug Dealer
Conspiracy that our government spends millions of dollars each year trying
to arrest the dealers. We also spend money on the spraying of herbicides
on drug crops in South America. Many people refer to this as a War On Drugs.
- Occasionally policemen, customs agents, and other people
die in the process of protecting us from drugs. I would describe their
deaths as foolish wastes of life, but most people consider their deaths
to be noble sacrifices for the American people.
- I would describe the Drug Dealer Conspiracy as a stupid
theory because drug dealers cannot make us use drugs. By comparison, the
theory that electric trains were destroyed by group of corporate executives
is entirely possible because those executives were capable of interfering
with the development of trains.
- However, since most Americans believe in the Drug Dealer
Conspiracy, it is not considered a conspiracy, nor is it considered stupid.
Rather, it is considered a "sensible government policy to protect
Americans from drugs".
- I can't help but wonder how ridiculous the situation
has to be before the majority of Americans realize how stupid this war
on drugs is. For example, what if some South Americans began offering Do-It-Yourself
Lobotomy Kits. If millions of Americans were buying these kits, and then
giving themselves lobotomies, would you demand we start a War On The Lobotomy
Kits? Would you complain that the South American Lobotomy Pushers are destroying
the American people?
- If a policeman died in the process of trying to stop
the Lobotomy Pushers, would you describe his death as a great sacrifice
to the American people? Or would you say he was a fool who threw his life
- The American Conquest Conspiracy
- For another example, millions of people believe our government
is controlled by a small group of people. Republicans, for example, believe
that the government is controlled by small group of liberals, and their
solution to the problem is to elect more Republicans. Liberals, on the
other hand, believe the government is controlled by small group of Republicans.
- Some people complain that the government is controlled
by "The Special Interests", the "Lobbyists", the Military
Establishment, "Political Action Committees", Bilderbergs, Zionists,
Neocons, Fascists, or Nazis.
- I would refer to this as the "American Conquest
Conspiracy" because it claims a group of people are conspiring to
take control of America's government.
- I agree that a small number of people have a tremendous
influence over our government, but this conspiracy theoriy is as stupid
as the Drug Dealer Conspiracy because a small group of people cannot control
a large majority unless the majority allow themselves to be controlled.
- However, since it is so common for Americans to blame
our crummy government on small groups of people, let me give you an extreme
example to show why I consider this conspiracy to be stupid.
- Imagine that a few dozen children who live in the Washington
D.C. area walk over to the capitol and demand that the government provide
free candy to all children. The next day the President Bush passes legislation
to increase taxes to purchase and distribute candy to children all over
America. As you watched adults distribute candy to children, would you
complain that the U.S. government is controlled by a few children? Or would
you realize that the American voters are jerks who have elected so many
lunatics that our government follows the orders of children?
- Now imagine a small group of adults goes to Washington
D.C. and asks for some legislation that harms the nation but benefits those
few adults. The next day the President Bush passes the legislation they
asked for. Would you complain that the U.S. Government is being controlled
by a small number of adults?
- What's the difference between a group of children telling
the U.S. government what to do, and a group of adults telling the U.S.
government what to do? In both cases our government is pathetic, and the
voters ought to be ashamed of themselves.
- A few drug dealers cannot make a nation take drugs. Instead,
the people must voluntarily make the decision to use drugs. Likewise, a
small group of people cannot control a nation. Instead, the majority of
citizens must be so irresponsible and incompetent that they create a government
that is easily manipulated.
- Some people complain that our government officials are
bribed and blackmailed, but how could that be possible unless the voters
were electing candidates who could be bribed and blackmailed? Why don't
the voters select better candidates?
- A nation with a crummy government is vulnerable to abuse
by both its own citizens and by foreign nations. And that is exactly what
America has. The voters have given us a crummy government, and as a result,
Washington D.C. is full of selfish people who are fighting with each other
to influence our crummy government.
- Complaining about the people who abuse our crummy government
is not going to solve our problems. We need a respectable government, and
we need respectable voters.
- The Helpless Voter Conspiracy
- Some people respond to me that we cannot create a respectable
government because the elections are controlled by a mysterious group of
evil people. These evil people forced us to select between Al Gore and
George Bush in the 2000 election, and were forcing us to select between
John Kerry and George Bush in the upcoming election.
- I am also told that this mystery group alters the votes
with electronic touch screens, so it doesn't matter who we vote for. I
would refer to this as the "Helpless Voter Conspiracy".
- It certainly seems true that a small group of people
have selected George Bush and John Kerry to be our presidential candidates,
but we could easily tell both candidates to apply for some other job.
- What would you think if your friend spent $5,000 on a
do-it-yourself lobotomy kit, and when you asked him why, he replied that
the South American salesman only gave him two choices; a lobotomy kit,
and a suicide kit, and he chose the lesser of the evils.
- When a voter complains that he must select between Bush
or Kerry, and that he is going to vote for the lesser of the evils, he
is behaving in the same stupid manner.
- The Helpless Voter Conspiracy is stupid because voters
are not helpless. Rather, they are irresponsible, incompetent, and easily
- The voters can select anybody they want as president.
Voters can refuse to vote if they don't like any of the candidates. Voters
are even allowed to write a person's name on the ballot. This allows them
to elect people who are not on the ballot, such as you or me. And they
can throw government leaders out of office whenever they want, even if
it is not an election year.