- Wish I made a fraction of what the war pimps make. You
know the ones--Krauthammer, Coulter, Boot, Safire, Limbaugh, Will, O'Reilly,
Hannity, Ledeen - those media guys doing the well-paid work of Dick Cheney
and doing it well...while earning big paychecks along with Dick and his
- Wish I made a fraction of the fine income those propagandists
made. You know the ones, those media folks on Op-Ed pages and TV news programs
everywhere, who never fought a single battle but make a plush living pimping
for war. Wish I could do that and not see the devil smirking at me in the
- Wish I made a pittance of what those well-connected contractors
in Iraq make, and continue to make. You know the ones: The Bush/Cheney
'No-bid' contractors like Halliburton, Exxon-Mobil, and the Carlyle Group.
Good old boys, lifelong pals of Dick Cheney, a guy who called war critics
like me "opportunists."
- Yeah, I wish I, too, made a dime for every dollar stolen
from the taxpayer. Wish I could sleep nights, like the Neocons, knowing
a whole bunch of people in Iraq got their country stolen, while a bunch
more Americans in uniform were serving as jailers overseas.
- Wish I could amass billions for my friends, as Dick has
done, while thousands of dirt poor Americans in uniform did the dirty work
of guarding millions of folks even poorer than them. What a great job that
would be - if only I could sleep at night.
- Wish I owned the news media, the handful of big publishers
and TV networks and those thousands of radio stations from sea to shining
sea. Wouldn't that be grand! Whenever someone dared criticize me, I'd simply
get all my guard dogs in the media to write their columns and immediately
fill TV and talk radio airwaves to shout my critics down. I'd sic Hannity
and Savage on 'em! I'd get Malkin and Coulter to question their manhood.
- Wish I had the opportunity of an Ivy League education.
I'd use that opportunity to befriend guys exactly like me. We'd plot ways
to take power, and not waste our time on useless information or education
or knowledge. Because, when you think about it, Power Is Knowledge. Power
educates. Power informs.
- And the Opportunity to amass that power is reserved for
people like me, if I were Dick Cheney that is, with all my Ivy League and
Pentagon and corporate connections.
- Wish I, too, had all the bureaucracies at my beck and
call. FBI, CIA, Pentagon, NORAD, NTSB, NYPD - all the acronyms of a powerful
state government. I'd plot my plots; I'd plan my plans. I'd make all the
acronyms do my bidding, for me and my well-connected friends.
- Wish I controlled the weather. I'd spray the whole country
from five miles up. Why? Because I could. But I wouldn't tell anyone. Why
should they know? I'd own the skies. Because once you own the skies you
own whatever is under it.
- Wish I lived forever. I'd extend my power over the whole
world, without apology, for me and my cronies. We would reshape the world
in MY image of what the world should be.
- Wish I made a sweet deal with the devil. What an opportunity
for me. The only reason I couldn't...is because I'm not Dick Cheney.
- Douglas Herman, "opportunist," essayist and
war critic, earned approximately $1,000 last year opportunistically opposing
the war. He also authored the opportunistic new novel, The Guns of Dallas.