 Too Much Reality In My TV, Thank You
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- I never thought I'd want my television to go back to
being filled with utterly mindless amusement like "Three's Company"
or even the starched-down, non-reality of "Leave It To Beaver"
or the rank stupidity of "My Mother The Car." But I have. It's
not enough to have Nick-At-Night and TVland as reservoirs of pop culture
and the "good ole' days" of televised brainwashing, we apparently
need a hell of a lot more... thanks to Anna Nicole Smith.
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- "E!" Entertainment, mimicking the successful
reality-TV format of MTV's "The Osbournes" (for those who don't
know, ex-Black Sabbath lead singer and contemporary heavy metal solo artist
Ozzy Osbourne has consented to allowing MTV to 'real world' his daily life
in Beverly Hills with his wife and two kids), has produced what can only
be described as a hideous head-on collision in slow-motion, enticing the
rubber-necking sicko buried not-so deep in the American viewing audience.
Far worse than any pornography or ultra-violence cable could get away with,
The Anna Nicole Show simply wallows in the blood of such a head-on collision
in its pandering degradation.
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- Anna Nicole Smith is a former Playboy centerfold and
stripper from Texas who married 89 year old billionaire J. Howard Marshall,
who dropped over dead shortly after their nuptials, leaving Anna in a massive
lawsuit with the heirs for the gleanings, which would amount to multiple-millions,
at the least. In the meantime, Anna has taken the Zsa Zsa Gabor treatment
of making it big in Holly-weird by becoming famous for being famous. Or
perhaps, infamous. Notorious, without a doubt. This stumbling, whining,
spoiled, talentless wretch is somehow the hottest thing on TV. As video
cameras follow her from one starkly embarrassing moment to the next, America
peers in, waiting for the next shock to the system from the outrageous
creature, who resembles something like a cross between Divine, the John
Waters movie drag queen, and Marilyn Monroe.
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- Far More Like Divine Than Monroe
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- The enormous platinum blonde amazon-queen literally waddles
from moment to moment in nothing but material and emotional excess. But
one gets the feeling when the cameras are off, she's just the same and
there's no hamming it up going on. It's truly a hideous accident with guts
going everywhere. "E!" apparently finds bringing the most offensive
possible qualities of this person so undeserving of attention to be of
paramount importance, rerunning the initial episodes continually so everyone
gets a chance to "get in" on the horror from ground zero. The
once stunningly well-figured Anna is now a rotund expression of self-contempt,
self-loathing and bourgeois Holly-weird hedonism, a paint brush used by
insane television executives to paint the screen with raw sewage and call
it entertainment.
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- Most of the time Anna seems either libatiously slathered
or seriously strung out on Valium or Xanax. Or worse. Whining almost incomprehensible
mutterings, all of which could be reduced to a primitive "gimmie"
for all intents and purposes, there's absolutely nothing coming out of
Anna's head that isn't Anna related -- put something in Anna's mouth, put
something in Anna's pocket, put something in Anna's way and it will be
consumed, one way or another. She is the ultimate American consumer fertility
goddess. She is the true 'Lady Liberty,' representing everything sick and
twisted about this culture of avarice and worship of the self and wealth.
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- But what is perhaps the most nauseating about The Anna
Nicole Show is that "E!" clearly wants to manufacture a cult
icon with Anna. God forbid this go any farther than a weak, sad moment
in televised trash like so many before it. If it doesn't fade away into
obscurity, it won't be long before teen girls are talking like Anna, walking
like Anna and wearing Anna brands to school -- and if Anna becomes "cool"
so will all her wretched traits, habits and grotesque and reprehensible
predilections.
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- Comment
Jeff Griffith
8-21-02
- Like a lot of guys, I could only admire the considerable
augmented gifts of Anna Nicole Smith when she first burst upon the scene,
primarily because they seemed to be natural (which they weren't) and because
her personal story, while tawdry, had a sort of Cinderella appeal. Even
her fights with the relatives of the dead billionaire husband had a certain
David and Goliath quality enhanced by the unattractive greed and monumental
ungenerosity of the relatives. However, Ms. Smith, or whatever her real
name is, is in fact a repugnant sow whose fame was justifiably based upon
her figure which has now gone to fat (lots of it!). Her personality is
that of a small, ill-mannered child, evidencing no charm, intelligence
or kindness. She is about as sexy as a social disease. She is a lout and
one can only hope that the American viewing public, after sating their
voyeuristic taste for watching lowlife on parade, will notify Anna Nicole
that her fifteen minutes are over, way over. It's time to get on the exercycle
and look for a job frying chicken again (the only real job she ever had,
after getting knocked up in high school).
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- "No one ever went broke underestimating the taste
of the American people." Amen.
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- Jeff Griffith
Newport Beach, CA
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- Comment
- Johan Jerming
8-22-01
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- I too am baffled at this new "an all time television
low".... However, instead of going bonkers lashing out at TV as such,
or society in large, I discovered that one indeed has the option of changing
channels !! To those of you who are sickened I urge You to try it, be inventive
and surprise yourself with the remote-control !
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- best regards
johan jerming
John, I think you missed the entire point of the piece. Who is going
to change the channel in millions of homes where very young, impressionable
minds are allowed to absorb this crap? - Webmaster
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- Comment
JH
- 8-23-02
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- James -
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- Thought your piece about Anna Pighole Smut was great.
Can you have a go at Ozzy in your next piece?
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- Regards;
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- JH
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- Hey JH ---
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- Actually... I like Ozzy. I never liked Ozzy before. He
was just another quasi-talented metal headed moron to me. I grew up in
the Black Sabbath era and never really found them too interesting. Never
much liked an of Ozzy's solo stuff, either. And despite all the commercial
glitz of the program, the sheer exploitation involved, it's been an interesting
glimpse into the lives of people who have way more money and time on their
hands than they know what to do with; especially someone like Ozzy, who
is a recovering drug addict, alcoholic and yet maintains this "family"
(and apparently always has)... who still refers to his 16 and 17 year old
children as "the babies" and clearly involves himself in their
lives and gives damn... and who clearly loves his wife dearly -- who presently,
sadly, may be dying of colon cancer (God forbid).
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- Sure, I could rake the 'show' over the coals, it is mindless
bilge in the end and just a marketing tool, but it's just not that offensive.
Or maybe it's that what is offense about it for me is offset by what I
see in the Osbournes themselves. A real family. Real people, with feelings,
quirky personalities (and that lifestyle would tend to make anyone a bit
eccentric, I would think) but clearly a loving family -- and we need more
of that seen and demonstrated on TV.
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- In one episode his daughter Kelly loses Ozzy's credit
card. She wasn't even supposed to have it but the Mom had kind of winked
her off on it. She comes completely unglued over the loss. I hate to say
it, but my kid would never be that worried or upset over losing my credit
card! She'd instantly think of it as a "replaceable" like a typical,
spoiled American kid -- Ozzy must be doing something right and I must be
doing something wrong as a parent. That kid showed great respect in her
fear. I haven't seen that depicted on television in ages! Maybe it has
something to do with the difference between the English and Americans in
child rearing, I don't know. But it was impressive.
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- Sure, there are elements of their lifestyle that are
eccentric and strange, but we're all eccentric and strange to someone.
So far their only eccentricity -- the excess animals in the house -- has
been the only "gross" thing MTV has exploited for its predictable
"pooh-pooh-pee-pee" level teen humor mentality. But at least
they're not stumbling around drunk or whacked out on drugs in front of
their kids, we see them giving first-hand life-experienced warning to their
children about the dangers of drugs, alcohol and casual sex; we see them
putting limits on them which I wonder if the average Beverly Hills parent
imposes on their children (ie, Ozzy wouldn't let his son Jack leave the
house with a legally sized pocket knife!).
Sorry, JH... I'm afraid they've become all too human for me to do that.
:) I also think it's kind of defusing for kids to see that Ozzy and his
"prince of darkness" act is just that. An act. Theatre. He's
no more the blood drinking Satanist certain groups would have people believe
than John Lennon was the Commie-Pinko 'plant' to demoralize American youth.
Hey... here's my piece on Ozzy! I'll just add it as a commentary response.
Thanks for bringing the Oz up, JH.
PS: The really disgusting program MTV should be ashamed of is "The
Real World." Seven carefully selected sticks of dynamite chosen to
live with eachother for 6 months and see what kind of rank, base nature
can be sucked out of them in that time period. Elck! There's little or
nothing "real" about The Real World. And I've never seen such
contrived race-baiting, gender-twisting imposed controversy in my life.
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